You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.

If you recognize that quote then that means I’m not the oldest person on Kongregate 🙂 I had to go to wiki to look up the intro to Zork, so “Ha!” W00tness is a text-based game that really can throw you for a loop if you aren’t familiar with the genre. On the other hand, if you’re familiar with text adventures you’re going to love w00tness. Don’t forget to save.

Since w00tness falls outside of our normal rating categories this won’t be a standard review. There are no graphics, there is no music or sound effects, and you don’t have to do any fancy key combos to avoid the Grue. You will, however die. And when I say die I don’t mean you’ll fall over and stop moving. No, I mean you’ll die horrible gruesome deaths that you can only imagine in your worst nightmares. Did I mention you should save frequently?

While playing w00tness you’re going to come across a variety of items, creatures, and people. Hardly any of these creatures\people are friendly so play defensively! The one exception to this rule is when people are giving items to you. You want to pick up pretty much everything you can or you’re going to die later. You should save just in case you mess up somewhere along the way.

?/10. Heh, what? This is all text. No graphics for you!

8/10. Nothing too original about this game, but dang it’s fun. Replay value is high due to the excessive death rate.

?/10. Audio…nah. This is a Zork clone, so you had best enjoy the silence.

7/10. Like I said, it’s a Zork clone. Nothing too original about the game except that it’s a bit out of place amongst most any other games.

8/10. I hope you’re a good speller because you’re going to need to type out all your commands for this game.

This is an excellent homage to Zork. 8/10

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